DBLN, 21.48-300311

Some weeks ago, I deleted some people on my facebook. Absolutely not thinking because they were dislike people, it because based on reasons that I and them had no regulary contact with each other anymore. 

So based on this dodge, I then was thinking: "No reasons to keep these people on the friendlist". I then started to unfriend them one by one from my facebook.

After one day of removal, one of them, whom, I've known from more than years, and was also being deleted, wrote on his status about his removal from my friendlist which I infer that wasn't crucial at all to be talking-point, but that's all what facebook about, to posting anything  important or unimportant.

In spite of we secretely don't like each other, keeping the familiarity is more norm than markedly hostile for us, and I hate for this: to be 'pretending' with dislike people.

Yesterday, I met him in the town together with his family. We had a small conversation for less than an hour. And then I went off to a shop, looking for a gift for their baby. They seemed very happy with the gift, and so do I. 

As I said earlier, I hate to be pretending, but in the same I don't want to be cruel as well as person. This dissonance attitude might also apply to him (maybe not as much as I hate this situation).

When I consider to this situastion it suddenly leads me to Lapiere study about why people behave differently from attitude. Still no certainty proves about this study, but some psychologists, whom, study behaviour and attitude, there few fortiori have been considered why this can happen.

Normality as unexceptionable to be put on the top list of their consideration. We are often taught by  our surroundings, specially our parents, teaching us how to behave better. Such as school also constitute lead for the shape of our norm. Yet, dogma should not be forgotten as the most affecting doctrine on people's behaviour and attitude.

According to that it means we don't actually pretend to like each other, our norm prevent us from 'hostility'.  But there is no socialnetwork norm about removing friend from your fb, so why should he bother then?

Children's behaviours tend to amuse their surroundings. Whether he/she looks so cute or he/she speaks smooth-talking, they're always able to attract people around them. 

But also in the same time they can be very miffed that might challenge our tempers, children of three up to sixth are tend to be the most challenging years for most parents in raising child. 

Perhaps all years of child stages are uneasy for most parents. 

Mostly parents would do two things when they meet a difficult situation with their children, either they punish them or leave them alone. 

Some kids sometimes very easy to please, but when I met Dave's mother (see the previous posting), I've found an affect about a responsibilty as parents, that parents existence are not merely about feeding and dressing them.

But I hear someone says: "we all are just human beings too who can sometimes can lose control" --- that's absolutely right. So that will be our main issue, as parents, not to lose control while dealing with difficult situation.

According to Jans' Parker and Stimpson on their "Raising Happy Children", a punishment is a weapon and it won't work to change their behaviours permanently. In addition, it likely a game to them of how not being caught. 

In fact, a punishment only making worst our children's behaviour. Such as Dave, his mother punishment did not fright him to resist his mother. The more his mother punish him the more he became implacable. And then the result was the hardest punishment  was given ! and it gave him up not to be an implacable boy --- he didn't undestand the consequence of being punished. He stopped for being a bad because he knew he wouldn't win his mother punishment.

Nobody likes punishment. Neither you nor the children. Think again. How your feeling when your child punish you to require something --- do you feel nice? I don't think so. The same to your child.

Discipline is not the same as  punishment. As Jans' have said discipline is teaching the children to understand their feelings, other feelings, undertanding what right and wrong in their behaviours. While punishment is only  a frightened and remains nothing except they redone it some other times. 

Try to focus on what causes your child misbehave might help your  difficult situation with your children. No matter how hard you try not to lose temper it might not work if you don't co-operation with your child. Don't you think a conversation is best solution to end a 'war'? Don't ever think that a child can't have a conversation!

I've just found an interesting book on my bookcase in the living room by accident, its a book of parental guide that was bought nearly three years ago. 

Having this book, the "Raising Happy Children" book, since I studied for Child Psychology Diploma some years ago, in which only fiew pages had been read and it haven't been opened again until today :). 

The book seems very beneficial for parents, professionals, and even childminders, as it informs about how to educate them, and to be well-informed in how to raise children and not just in the parents' rights but also thoughtful and right for both sides.

Among the four hundreds and seven pages of this book that written by Jan Parker and Jan Stimpson, there is a page that very amuse me, is considering 'Effective Discipline'. It leads me to downsize why kids sometimes have difficulty to behave better.

Through this posting, I'd like to concern oneself in a child case, a boy whom I've met several times named Dave. Dave is a very amusing boy. Like other boy of three, he likes to challenge his surroundings with his 'ingenuity'. Dave appears to experience with his parents unhappy relationship (this is obvious as her mother told me about her wishes  so that her husband spend more times with the family).

Some of his behaviours leads to the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), such as Dave appears to difficult to listen what people said to him, he even avoid to whatever has been told, and would give over if her mom punish him. In addition, he unhesitant to give inappropriate comment like the 'F' word. This is believed that his word is often coming from his dad. Definiteivelly, most of his behaviours  are the replica of  his parents' behaviours.

Instead of attempt to discipline Dave, his mom prefer to threat him with a punishment which it only raise  the fearlessly (defensive and implacable)  toward his mom.

It seems obvious to conclude why Dave's misbehaviour uneasy to change. The mother's punishments when saying: "I'll throw you out of the window, or "I'll put you in the toilet", are defintely not frightening him at all because he knows already that his mom wouldn't do that.

I concern to Dave's case, yearn to what his personality in the future would like. It touchs my inner knowledge as student of psychology as well as mother, and a thought that parents responsibility aren't merely about feeding and dressing them, because each stage of their development is primal for the sake of their future personality.

Parents or adult behaviours are likely a mirror for children, anything that told and done by  us is a epitomize for them. So if we wonder why our child like to shout all the time or fight with their friends quite often, then we may need to look at ourselves, have we done something wrong to ourselves which make them like to imitate us?

As I've previously written about chart that making chart is easy and fun. What I mean by fun is we can explore the chart into different colours and depth angle. 

What we should remember before making a chart is our understanding about type of data i.e. Nominal, Ordinal, and Scale. Once we understand all the data we will be able to know what chart is appropriate for the data. 

It might be a bit confusing to decide which chart is appropriate for your data. Such as Nominal data, this data is basically for a category describtion e.g. nationality, colours, and religions, gender. 

Normally, appropriate chart for nominal data is bar chart and pie chart. I don't know exactly why these charts are appropriate for the nominal data, perhaps it because the patterns of these charts are simpler than the other chart i.e. Histogram chart.  

For example, gender data can only be divided into two categories, male and female. It's more appropriate for this data if we use pie chart.

Most everyone experience in a friendship. In some country like West country friendship is almost close to so-called relationship. Despite of the fact friendship is not necessarily relationship.

Doesn't it relationship first begin from friendship? If so, then there is shade between friendship and relationship. 

Accordingly, then I can define friendship has equivocal; first is a friendship that come before relationship--- usually before become a couple, and the second is friendship that has its significance about friendship itself. 

As they both have respective significances about so-called by friendship thus in the other words friendship can't always become a relatioship as well as relationship can't always be defined as a couple but also a friendship --- accordingly, that means a relationship does not necessarily have a friendship?

In my experience with western friends, they call a friendship to someone who they already know for years --- but in some country like East country, like at my home for example , they define friendship to someone who they just know a week ago; note: as long they can get along with the person. 

Maybe it's nothing wrong with their way to detemine a friendship (well, not saying 100 % nothing wrong with them), but if I look at people who easy to get along in friendship would also easy to break up, perhaps it because they're too easy to determine to become a buddy with a new person.DBLN, 20.46-170311

Here is a story about a group of people who like hassling with one to each others. I call them very interesting people, but my husband call them  insane people.

Presumably, this group called Goblok. Goblok group has a number of members that consists of intellectual people -- well, educated enough to be called as intellectual people as most of these members claim theselves that they posses a univeristy degree level or higher. 

In general opinions of people that a university level has above avarage compare to lower education to behave and  think accordingly its title. In fact of the spite, higher education isn't necessary can change some 'ironic mental stuff' on person or a group's attitude or behaviour.

Here I am with a doubt about education as I often told by my family that education is to teach you become smart person; and here is my question: What kinds of smart person? I will leave this question to you.

These people enjoy so much to hassle one with another and playing words such as a marron. Some members concern to religion, others in politics, another just irresponsives. The war would begin if one disagree with the other and attempting to attack each others with any information they have.

The religion topic would become the sensitive one, unended, unlimited and impranagble. It's obvious that their attitude are childlike and hard hearted: and only childs behave stubornly if they want to have something. Even child with well educated from parents and its surrounding might not as stuborn as these people.

I've forgotton about culture that culture might causes of the way this group of people behave and think like enjoy twaddling and hassling. If culture can formalize a person's personality, will that be hard hearted created by culture too?

The most insane coincident happened between I and one of theses members. The incident happened through email when I responded  to what happened in Indonesia about the cruelty of the killed Ahmadins. 

A guy, whom used to be nice with me but his attitude changed for unknown reasons, responded to my short respons in the most cold and stubborn words expression which obviously it was pointed at me and I had to break my breath off for seconds when I read his response which the point was; Islam is Islam, those people deserved to be killed as they weren't as islam as they thought.

I could perfectly understand if someone being stubborn because of their right has been taken forcibly, but if being stubborn to substantiate that cruelty is permitted for the sake of a religion, in what right do you stand up, exactly? Is it your superficial religion insight?

I don't tell him like I write here. I'm in silent of my writing to tell the truth --- that I'm pissed off!

My English teacher gave an interesting discussion in the class yesterday. The discussion was about relationship. He put nine words randomly on the cupboard, which was the words were related to relatioship discussion, and then asked us how those nine words should be patterned before the couple get into a relatioship.

Here are those nine words: Meet, Break up, Falling in love, Get on well, Keep in touch, Stay friends,  Getting to know each other, Go out together, and Argue. 

Most of us gave similiar answers which the break up was come at the end of the pattern. However, according to him the right  pattern of a relationship as follow: 1. Meet, 2. Get to know each other, 3. Get on well, 4. Go out together, 5. Falling in love, 6. Argue, 7. Break up, 8. Stay friends, 9. Keep in touch. 

That's Irish version about before you get into a relationship, or perhaps western version too which this is quite the opposite of relationships I've ever known in Indonesia. In fact people could decide to get married with only a fiew bumps, like meet on the internet and then get out together for a couple of times is a usual phenomena, and after no less than one year they decide to down the altar.  That's not worst at all, most of them are proud of what they do - it's an extraordinary relatioship for them!

So according to the Indonesian's pattern version it would be as follow: 1. Get to know each other (internet)/Meet: this could include argue as well, 2. Falling in love, 3. Keep in touch 5. Get on well   6. Meet, 7. Break up.

Don't feel offended if you have experience like above -- what I'm saying here is congratulations to you if you can get along in your relatioship! Not so many people can do that (like me!). Honestly, as I won't, and can't take a risk to jump into a marriage with someone I know from the internet, or have only known him for less than a year. A big thing will need a big heart to brave enough up against the possible risk. So again, congratulations :)!

For singles, you can consider this that for a healthy relationship it will need a lot  of steps to get down before  the three words are said by to you both. I know that some people can get along with short-term  relationship and then get married, but how many of them break up from this short-term relationship? The short-term relationship won't be enough to give you time to know each other's personalities better. So that there won't be from a lover become an enemy as we always find in Indonesia, long-term relatioship has better value for healthy relationship in the future. How many marriage couples in Indonesia who get divorce and they stay friends? I don't find one, do you?

But  not in Ireland. Most people who break up or divorce are able to stay friends and keep in touch with others. I wonder why people in Ireland have a slow step to get into a relationship but very well to cope the pieces of their broken heart, I mean to stay friends with their ex-partner. 

For women, I have an uninteresting question, and sounds might even silly that I'd like to ask you: "Have you ever found an interesting conversation with a man?". If you do, I don't believe that the man is really interested in the topic, but rather than just trying to be polite or may he's just interested in you.

But not all men like that, anyway. Last week, I had a good conversation with a man; he's a husband of my friend who lives 2 hours away from where I live. It's very rarely that a man would interested in women's issues. He disagreed with my statement that all women are insane, but then changed his mind after a while :). At the end of our conversation he added: "there must be some positive sides about women". I either  admitt its a naive comment of him or he's just lost in the conversation because of getting bored with me :)).

If I can be honest, I'd prefer to talk with guys than talk with girls. Honestly. As I can't concentrate at all to listen what they say. You can guess what women would talk about if they have a gather: nothing except emptiness :). I get tired sometimes to listen and talk about everything but lead to nothing, but I keep talking and very rarely listening as I'm honestly not interested in listening others speech. Well, I pretend to listen, actually. When a group of women have gathering it would be made only for talking and questioning what others have and don't. I know sounds very negative and sad, but I tell you the truth: that's true.

Sad but true that most women are insane. If I could choose, I'd choose to have men's brain. Why? Their brain is well organised than women's brain. It's sadly true. Has there any scientist  done a research about  the insanity of the way women act and think? Despite some of women are insane but I still get fun from some of them :).

I haven't had a very good and sincere friend recently, not after Dandy must left Jakarta with his family.  Dandy was my neighbourhood who lived next door from my house, and his originally from Maluku. He's also my class mate. We were just about 11 year-old kids that intra. As we were very close, Dandy and me always spent time together, especially after and before school, in the weekend particularly. The back garden in my house was our favourite place to spend the evening as there was  a swimming pool and fruit tree to have fun with. 

One day before he left, we spent time together at the usual place. He asked me a question if will I forget him if we don't meet each other again, and I said I won't. Every time my mind think about how difficult it is to have a best friend I always remember him. I don't know where is he now, and I do miss him so much. Haven't found a best friend like you, Dandy.

I remember when first time I have my email address, it was made by a young girl, aged approximately 10 year old, she was the daughter of my neighboorhood. Her parents was the only people who owned the internet shop in my area that intra. It was actually coincident that she made my email account --- I asked her father to use the internet to make email address but her father offered me a favour to make it in which I thought he was going do it by himself, but then I was surprised when he asked his little girl to do it for me --- an unconvinced thought distract my mind: "Could she do it?". But amazingly, she worked it out in no less then 10 minutes!

After years passing I met her again, not met her in person but through a social network. She's now a student of computer science. Well, I'm not surprised as she's been introduced about tech stuff by her parents since she was very young. 

She's just one of the 'victims' of the internet invasion who got very,very lucky, that at least  the impact of  the internet invasion could lead her in a great future. By studying  this  magic tech deeply (she's planning to take her Phd straight away after her  undergraduate), that her parents unless weren't wasting  to make her like  this stuff.

Not all 'victims' of the internet invasion got lucky as her, like I and you, for example. I do fascinate with this magic touch machine, but not as fascinate as my little girl neighbourhood who almost become a scientist in computer at her very young age!

Speaking fascinate with computer, do you go to a computer course? I wonder if people would go to take a special course to know how to run a computer while you can get free lesson sometimes through internet.

Internet. What magic and amazing it is. I always enjoy to sit front of the computer and surf things with this magic machine -- who don't enjoy it, anyway? I assume most everyone do! --- I don't really like using mobile phone for the internet. The size screen matter is the problem, and because that causing my eyes and fingers aren't really comfortable. But internet too nice to be passed it just like that, especially when you got good cost to use the internet from your mobile phone --- so I would sometime just click it the web button on :).

In some country like Ireland, computer courses are dispensable. Well, just like at my home in Indonesia, but in Ireland, they more focus to give a computer course to the senior people who can't really know to run a computer. In aims to encourage them to use tech stuff some courses the goverment gives it costlessly. 

I love making chart. Data analysis is one of my favourite modules in Psychology. So  this posting  is to refresh my memory about chart :). 

Making chart is fun and easy. Generally, chart application is dispensable in a representing data. The function of chart itself is to summarize of the overall data. By using a chart it would make easier for reader to read a data. 

However, it can also be difficult for reader to understand the chart if the data is unclear. I mean, if we misinterpret the data it leads to unclear interpretation to reader too -- good chart would not remain an interpretation to reader -- in the other words, it must understandable.

Different type charts will have distinct utilities when representing data. As there many type of charts as well as different application so it will take your time for a while to distinguish the differences, but trust me after you get used to it you will hardly to stop explore it :).

Here is my first introduction to chart, is Bar chart and Pie chart. Although I have previously written a bit about how to make chart. But I didn't really write about the details of its functions so here we go. 

Bar Chart - The things that I can remember about the bar chart is that bar chart has also different types:, such as simple bar chart , clustered bar chart, and stacked bar chart. Depending on what your aims to make chart but each of these type charts have different functions too. However, all these charts have the same character type, is they have a gap between one bar to the others bar (see the image below).

It's character of all charts that X bar and Y bar has to be clear with its data information --- so it can't remain a confusion to your reader like I've mentioned above: Don't remain intepretation to your reader!

Bar chart is basically made for a nominal data e.g. nationality, colour, gender, etc. See the image above, the chart shows its clear data, the X bar shows the information of types (Eastenders, casualty, peak practice, the bill). So is the Y bar (number of viewers). 

Pie chart can also be used for nominal data as pie chart can be used for something that is very simple and not so many data like histogram chart which has many bars on chart (will be posting about this later). 

 As like I said, it's fun and easy! Will be continued for another chart :).